the night: a series of self portraits

(2010)

In a society of instant gratification, dissolving social mores, and unabashed reverence for material wealth, the concept of what is sacred has become less clearly defined. In an effort to combat increasing feelings of restlessness and discontent with my own lifestyle, I began to question the appeal of the modern American Dream. I began to wonder whether I truly want this way of life or I am simply programmed to believe I do. Why others seem content with the status quo while I feel as if I am being swallowed whole? To try and answer these questions, I began a journey to actively seek a different perspective, a better understanding of myself from a base, primal, and spiritual level.

With The Night Series, my goal is to offer visual representations of the spiritual aspect of this journey. The dark night is representative of my absence of self-knowledge, my limited view of the whole truth. As a way to acknowledge and confront the all-important light of intuition and heart, the source that guides me, I shoot directly into the brightest source of light. I sometimes place myself between the source light and the camera, as so often I get in my own way, stand between myself and progress, myself and enlightenment — between myself and the truth.

This series illustrates different facets of my personal journey. I imagine dropping the weight of familial and societal expectations to ascend to new perspectives (The Sylph), the repeating cycle of energy and positivity followed by fatigue and doubt (Forward Retreat), acknowledgement of the existence of and differences between my true self, my ego and the mix of the two that I present to the world (The Meeting), and the tremendous influence that deceased members of my family have on the life decisions I make today (Di Manes).

We are all intrinsically connected to one another, not as separate as our egos would have us believe. My hope is that others who may be seeking their own answers to these same questions will feel a connection to these images and see themselves in the scenes, perhaps viewing them as a physical confirmation of their spiritual journey. For myself, these images serve as a visual reminder to pause and connect with the present moment, to return to the position of the observer who is outside, looking in.